My life took a weird twist in 2009. The Sunshine seemed to fade when my relationship ended just before my fall semester. I felt the rug slip out from under me. I could not concentrate for months on end constantly longing for my lost love. I did everything with him on my mind. Old memories haunting me day and night. This did not feel real. This did not feel right. I forgot how to eat. I forgot how to sleep. I forgot my self-worth. I felt like I lost my entire future. I realized I could never love another. My own personal Romeo & Juliette playing out before my eyes. I floated through those months of pain until only recently. After fall semester, I experienced a terrible loss. I lost my mother to suicide the day I got 
back for winter break. I do not try to hide this fact because I think that it should be talked about. My mother ended her own life because she was taking care of my father who is very ill with Dementia. His disease has inhibited his ability to do the simplest of tasks including giving my mother the same love he once did. So tragically, my parents relationship ended just as Romeo & Juliette's did. Something so good is not meant to last... My brother and myself currently care for my father while going to school full time. I am often pondering when my life turned into a series of unfortunate events. Sometimes all I can do is cry but you can only cry so much. I don't feel sorry for myself. I want to use these terrible events as a springboard into a brighter future. I refuse to let this define who I am as a person. I am still happy and loving. I do not hate my mom, and I never will. I do not hate God and I do not hate myself. I feel like this can only make me a better person. Maybe I am supposed to speak out about suicide and depression. Many mother's my mom's age were deeply hurt by my mom's sudden and surprising passing. I feel like her suicide resonated with many women her age. More people than you think suffer with depression. My mother kept hers very hidden. Glazed over with many big smiles and lots of laughter. Anyways, just never be hesitant and give your love and appreciation to everyone around you. Never stop striving for your goals and dreams. If you feel like it is impossible always remember that I'm not going to give up either. Let's achieve our dreams together!
back for winter break. I do not try to hide this fact because I think that it should be talked about. My mother ended her own life because she was taking care of my father who is very ill with Dementia. His disease has inhibited his ability to do the simplest of tasks including giving my mother the same love he once did. So tragically, my parents relationship ended just as Romeo & Juliette's did. Something so good is not meant to last... My brother and myself currently care for my father while going to school full time. I am often pondering when my life turned into a series of unfortunate events. Sometimes all I can do is cry but you can only cry so much. I don't feel sorry for myself. I want to use these terrible events as a springboard into a brighter future. I refuse to let this define who I am as a person. I am still happy and loving. I do not hate my mom, and I never will. I do not hate God and I do not hate myself. I feel like this can only make me a better person. Maybe I am supposed to speak out about suicide and depression. Many mother's my mom's age were deeply hurt by my mom's sudden and surprising passing. I feel like her suicide resonated with many women her age. More people than you think suffer with depression. My mother kept hers very hidden. Glazed over with many big smiles and lots of laughter. Anyways, just never be hesitant and give your love and appreciation to everyone around you. Never stop striving for your goals and dreams. If you feel like it is impossible always remember that I'm not going to give up either. Let's achieve our dreams together! xoxo,
JJH
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